April Love Letters

You might be wondering why I wanted to post those April Love letters on my yoga blog.  For me, yoga is more than just a physical exercise.  I know there is a huge connection between the brain and the body, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.  I know that I carry emotions in parts of my body.  When I'm stressed, I tense certain muscles more.  While working through a yoga practice, I'm also working with some of those emotions and events from life that are stored in my body.

I have my own religion, so I don't see that yoga is my religion.  However, it has become an extension of that.  The Yamas and Niyamas are part of the eight-limbed path of yoga, which describe how to live my life.  It's no different than the Ten Commandments or the Wiccan Rede; it describes things in a different way.

The Yamas talk about non-harming, truthfulness, and non-stealing.  The Niyamas talk about self-exploration and working on contentment.  For many of these reasons, I wanted to post my love letters.  It was a form of self-exploration and working on being truthful with myself.

Additionally, I wanted to share my experience.  I love hearing Brene Brown talk and reading what she writes. In her research she specifically talks about sharing our experiences with others so we reduce shame in our culture.  I am committed to this project.  I know everyone has their own journey in life.  I don't ever want anyone to feel like I am shaming them for making the decisions they've made.  I shame myself for my own decisions enough as it is.

I encourage you to share your experiences.

Bright blessings,

Chess

Dear Imagination

Dear Imagination,

I feel like you are something else I've lost in the quest to become an adult.  I feel like I don't have enough time for you.  When I visit with you now, it seems like we go down this dark path of fear for the future.  It rather unhealthy, really.

I would like to spend some time getting to know the lighter side of you once again.  I would like to strengthen you and work together to make life better.

Maybe you could start visiting me at night so I can have some nice dreams like I used to.  Or maybe you can visit me at work sometimes and we can make something pretty cool together.

This letter serves as an open ended invite into my life.

With love,

Chess

Finding the courage to continue on

Some days are good and some days are bad.  We are all human and we have our ups and downs.  Some days when I have yoga to teach toward the end of the day, I question myself pretty harshly.  I have seen a few posts recently that say the same thing, so I know I'm not alone.

The thoughts that go through my head sound pretty abrasive when you read them.  Who am I to teach these students?  What makes me so special?  There are thousands of other yoga teachers out there, I will never get anywhere with this.  Those other teachers are better than I am.  I'm not a skinny yogini, I don't eat a Vegan diet.  Who would want to come to my class?

The things I need to remember, however, are that I'm the one who went through the training to teach something I love and feel anyone can benefit from.  I'm the one who worked hard to create my website and made sure I have a space to rent for teaching classes.  I need to take pride in that.

Also, the proper students will find me when the time is right for them.  So what if I'm not skinny?  That may mean that someone who isn't thin as well might look at yoga in a different light.  I eat meat, so what?  A lot of people do.  I love animals but I also need to take care of myself.  Realizing that is part of yoga, too (ahimsa for those who know a little more of what I'm talking about).  I also don't like exhaustively hot classes, which means others who don't like that will come to my classes.

In the end, I have friends and family who believe I can do this when I'm having a rough day.  Just when I think I am going to throw in the towel and give up, my phone rings and it is a lovely man who wants to come to my classes.  He's so sure of my classes that he is willing to pay for my 10 class card before even trying one.  Each time he comes to class, he tells me he loves my class and as soon as he's done with this card, he will buy another one.

Then I remember, it's not about me at all.  It's about the students.

Namaste my friends,

Chess

Body image and eating disorders

I read an article about body affirmations that really got me thinking.  Before the author got to her list of body affirmations she uses, she spoke of her eating disorder history.  She had anorexia when she was younger, she claimed that she just wanted to disappear.  Now I know that that's not the reason for all people who have dealt with anorexia, but I wondered if the reverse were true.

Is it possible that some of us who eat more than we "should" feel like we are not seen or heard, and just want that, so we eat to make ourselves bigger?  I know some people claim that they gain weight because it creates a protective barrier, but what about the rest?

I admit that I am not a skinny chick, and that I eat more than I "should."  (I use "should" because that is based on what people think, not necessarily on anything else.)  I fight with my own body image at times, just like a lot of other people out there.  It's a byproduct of never feeling normal.  But then, am I eating so much because I want people to see the real me?

Just food for thought.

Namaste my friends,

Chess

Recap of my most amazing week

I posted earlier that I was headed to St. Louis for a fabulous week of belly dance.  It was four days of going over the moves we use in ATS® and becoming certified in that style of dance.  We also had half an hour of yoga before class, and plenty of time in the evenings to hang out with the other students, chatting about everything under the sun, and exploring the area.

The steps themselves weren't too bad.  My instructor did a very good job of preparing us for this trip.  I spent the whole week with three other very lovely ladies from Colorado Springs, two of which I roomed with.  I loved going out to Historic St. Charles with them, as well as staying in and just relaxing.

There were 73 of us, so I also met some other fabulous dancers.  It was amazing to feel the collective energy when we were all dancing.  Carolena and Megha even complimented the whole group on how well we danced.  I met a few people that I truly loved, though I probably would have found more if I'd had more time.  I came away with a few more friends than I had going out there.

As for the inspiration, it came from the half hour yoga class in the mornings.  I loved spending that half hour doing the other thing I truly love.  During this trip, I came to the realization that I really should work on getting my two passions merged.  I am looking at creating a "yoga for belly dancers" class in the near future.  I have had little success getting students on Monday nights, so maybe I should make that the night I have this class.  Though this class would focus on the muscles used during belly dancing, I'm sure it could translate to other dance forms.  Additionally, just because it is targeting dancers doesn't mean others couldn't come as well.

I truly feel like this trip was a life changing event.  On top of becoming certified in this type of belly dancing, I decided where I should take my yoga business a little.  I also discovered that the money will work out.  We can go on trips and still have enough to pay the bills.  I can spend a week away from my husband and dogs and be just fine.  I learned it is better to have so many great memories than to not go on a trip for fear of not having enough cash. It is really nice to take a complete break from life to de-stress a bit.

I hope that you too can find some time to get away and do something you truly love.  Who knows what that will Spark?

Namaste,

Chess

Traveling Yoga

I am flying out to St. Louis today for a big belly dancing event today.  It is a type of certification for the type of belly dance I do.  It has been a long time coming, and I am nervous and excited all at the same time.

In some of the planning emails we received I noticed there will be a yoga class in the morning.  Imagine how excited I was!  It is a half hour Vinyasa for belly dancers.  It is a melding of my two passions!!  Vinyasa is the type of yoga I teach, and I have wanted to create one for belly dancers.  I just haven't had the time to research what poses would be best.  I figure most of them would work as long as you change it up.  But now I get to take this class and see what I can learn from it. Plus, it will be nice to do something that is relatively normal when my routine is completely shaken up.

I am very much looking forward to this time away from regular life.  While I won't be teaching class this week, I will be working on gaining a little more experience. Growing and learning is what keeps me going.

Namaste my friends,

Chess

Touch

One thing that the training forced me to do is touch others, including people I don't really know.  In the US, it is mostly forbidden to touch others, unless you know them really well.  When passing someone, you try your hardest not to brush up against them.  You say "pardon me" when you bump into another person, or even if you came close to it.  You even do a little dance when two people move to the same side when trying to pass each other.

There wasn't much hugging or touching going on with my family members when I was growing up.  I find it very awkward when others touch me on the shoulder, or even worse, when others try to hug me.  If I am consoling someone, that isn't hard for me, but any other time it just feels so weird.

The worst part is, this hurts us.  We don't feel connected with other people.  In our digital world, we find it easier to not touch or connect with our friends and family.  Then when we try to reconnect, we feel awkward or out of place. No wonder we love sex so much.  It is one of the only places we can touch each other and know full well what is expected from that touch.

So now I am having to learn how to give positive energy to my students through touch, which is very difficult for me, because I don't really know how to touch people.  But just like anything else, the more I do it, the more I learn.  The more I learn, the less awkward I feel doing it.

And through this, I also realize that some of my students probably feel the same way.  They don't know how to be touched.  So I am learning how to be gentle when working with my students, so that they feel comfortable and cared for.  They are important and if I am the only person who makes them feel seen, heard, and touched, then I am doing my job right.

Love and Light,
Chess

Where my passion lies

First, a little back story.

In high school, I was definitely overweight.  I was easily 200 pounds, though I never weighed myself to really know. I hated gym and sports.  I was never really the competitive type and was usually picked last on a team.  In middle school I purposefully took band a choir to get out of gym class. In high school I couldn't get out of it.  Let me tell you how awful swim class was for me (it was required to graduate).

After I graduated high school, I went to college like most of my other class mates.  My family isn't terribly wealthy, so I went to the local University, lived with my parents, worked part time and went to school full time.  I couldn't afford to pay for a parking permit or gas, so I walked to school.  It was 40 minutes one way.  Needless to say, I lost a lot of weight.  I went from that 200 or more down to about 135!

I took a non-western music class where I did my final project on belly dancing.  I was interested in it, so I figured it was a good place to learn about it.  I started doing the belly dance DVDs and a few friends create a belly dance club on campus so I joined them.  I learned a lot about my body during that time and had a lot of fun in the process.

One semester I found myself one class short of the full time status which I needed to keep my parent's insurance.  I decided to take a yoga class they had there, thinking it would help me become more flexible for belly dance.  I knew one of the famous belly dancers also did yoga, and she was so gloriously bendy.  The Iyengar class taught me that while I was thin, I wasn't very strong.  I found a new love to go with my love for belly dancing.

Soon, I realized that I had found some things that would keep me fit and strong that weren't competitive and were actually fun.  Sometimes that is the biggest part of working out.

Now, back to my passion.  I want to help other people like me find the value and benefit of yoga.  I am perfectly comfortable teaching people who have been doing yoga for years, who are looking for something new each time.  I also love to teach people who have never done yoga or are just beginning their journey.

Yoga can be intimidating, only because of the way that it has been portrayed.  Most people think people who do yoga are skinny and completely flexible.  In reality, they have become flexible over time by continually doing yoga.  As for the feeling that everyone is watching you in class, really all the other students in class are focusing on their own bodies, not yours.

I invite you to join a class somewhere near you.  Go find the benefits yourself.  Take the leap and try something new.

Namaste my friends,

Chess