April Love Letters

You might be wondering why I wanted to post those April Love letters on my yoga blog.  For me, yoga is more than just a physical exercise.  I know there is a huge connection between the brain and the body, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.  I know that I carry emotions in parts of my body.  When I'm stressed, I tense certain muscles more.  While working through a yoga practice, I'm also working with some of those emotions and events from life that are stored in my body.

I have my own religion, so I don't see that yoga is my religion.  However, it has become an extension of that.  The Yamas and Niyamas are part of the eight-limbed path of yoga, which describe how to live my life.  It's no different than the Ten Commandments or the Wiccan Rede; it describes things in a different way.

The Yamas talk about non-harming, truthfulness, and non-stealing.  The Niyamas talk about self-exploration and working on contentment.  For many of these reasons, I wanted to post my love letters.  It was a form of self-exploration and working on being truthful with myself.

Additionally, I wanted to share my experience.  I love hearing Brene Brown talk and reading what she writes. In her research she specifically talks about sharing our experiences with others so we reduce shame in our culture.  I am committed to this project.  I know everyone has their own journey in life.  I don't ever want anyone to feel like I am shaming them for making the decisions they've made.  I shame myself for my own decisions enough as it is.

I encourage you to share your experiences.

Bright blessings,

Chess

Dear Chess

Dear Chess,

This last letter for April Love is dedicated to you.  It's about the things that you struggle with, despite how awesome you are.  Sometimes you have to be the person you wish you had in life, because ultimately, you spend so much more time with yourself than anyone else.

You are so very special.  There will never be anyone quite like you.  You are amazing and have a unique purpose in life.  While I know you don't know what that purpose is, you will need to trust that you will figure it out.

I know you feel unworthy of life and love.  You need to learn to love yourself, for all your "flaws"and attributes.  Regardless of what anyone else things, you are worthy of your own love at the very least. By showing yourself love, you will be so much better able to handle what life has to throw at you.

You need to trust that you will be ok.  Despite the hardships in life, you will figure it out.  It's human nature to survive.  We, as a whole, would not have made it this far without that survival instinct.

You need to believe that you are not a selfish person.  You may have moments where your survival instincts will kick in, but you are not selfish.  You give of yourself, your time, your money, to the point that you give too much for fear that people will think you are selfish.  Trust that you aren't, and allow yourself to back off a little on the giving.  It will be ok.

You are extremely smart.  You pick things up very quickly, you have two college degrees.  Just because you don't have a job directly using those skills does not make you stupid.  Sometimes you have to make a difficult choice and right now that is staying in a place where those degrees are less useful.  You have so many other skills and any employer would be glad to have you.

Trust that you are a good person.  Yes, not everyone will like you.  That is a reflection of themselves, not you.  The idea that they are jealous seems so far-fetched when you are struggling with their hatred and back-stabbing, but it probably is true.  You cannot change them, but you can ignore them and move on.  That's usually the best course of action.

Lastly, forgive yourself.  You can't keep beating yourself up for decisions you made in the past.  You were ignorant or working off of partial knowledge at the time.  That's the whole point of life's journey; to learn and grow.  If you were perfect right off the bat, you would have no where to go from birth.  It's ok to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.  Today may be difficult, but you can make tomorrow better.

Take it one day at a time, one step at a time.

You can do this.

With the utmost love,

Chess

Dear Sanctuary

Dear Sanctuary,

You are my home when I am struggling to be around people.  You are my husband's arms when I'm struggling to be myself.  You are my doggy cuddles after a long day at work.  You are a conversation with my sister when I am struggling with life.  You are the tribe of women who support me in my adventures and side-hustle.  You are a good book or show when I need to escape from life for a little bit to get out of my head.

I'm very grateful for all of this in my life.  I'm happy to have you there when I need you, in all the various ways.  You keep me sane when I think I'm going crazy, which seems to be more often than I would like.  You keep me warm when I am cold.  You keep me active when I would like to ball up on the couch.

I know most people think of you as a place to retreat when life gets rough.  You are that for me, but also the will to carry on when life gets tough.  One day at a time.

With love,

Chess

Dear Laughter

Dear Laughter,

I love the light you bring into my life.  The other day I heard some frustrating information at work, which stressed me out all day.  Thankfully, I'd purchased tickets for my husband's birthday to go see Jeff Dunham, and the show was that night.  While the stress wasn't completely alleviated, it was nice to get away from life for a couple of hours and laugh that hard.  You really can be a life changer.

Sometimes I laugh more at the way people laugh, than the reason people are laughing.  It makes me think of the scene in Mary Poppins where the characters are talking about the different types of laughs.

Dear laughter,

You make life so much sweater.

Much love,

Chess

Dear Change

Dear Change,

You are something I fear and am excited for, often at the same time.  It's easy to fear you for the unknown is scary.  However, you can be exciting because you can bring so many wonderful things into my life.

You make me grow and become stronger, even when I think I'm not ready.  You challenge me to work beyond my current perceptions.  You bring light and sorrow and everything in between.

There is one thing I know that is constant, that there will ever be change.

Much love,

Chess

Dear Truth

Dear Truth,

My mom used to call me a liar because I would lie to her about things I did as a child.  While I recognize that I should have told the truth, I've come to realize that every child goes through a phase like that, and it is often based on self-preservation.  I didn't want to get in trouble so I thought lying about my actions would help.

Consequently, I came to believe that I am a terrible person because of my actions when I was a child. Now I am learning something new about you dear Truth.  I'm learning that the things I believe aren't actually true.

I have a hard time listening to you.  I know I'm not alone in this, but hopefully I'm getting better as I age.  Sometimes you are too much to carry at times, but that doesn't change the fact that you are there.

For the future, I promise to take things one day at a time and try to listen to you more.  You are absolutely necessary in my life.  I know that you will make me a better person, a stronger person, through all of life's circumstances.

With love,

Chess

Dear Magic

Dear Magic,

From the time I was a little girl, I've always believed in you.  I believed in ghosts, aliens, faeries, and various other forms of magic.  As I've grown, things have changed a little, but I still believe in you.

I've lost my way some as I've grown up.  Being forced to handle adult circumstances has made believing in you more difficult.  I'm trying to regain my faith in you, slowly but surely.  I love spending time with the magical ladies in my life, and that helps.  There are times where a little magic slips into my life.

So for now, I ask that you be patient with me and show me a little of your light.  I could use it right about now.

Much love,

Chess